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12 December 2009

When a Crush Takes Over All Thought

Crushes tend to take over all of your thought life. It's time to focus.

Whether you are in the office, gym, or simply staring at someone from across the way, your heart can feel as if it wants to swallow someone instantly. The more you get to know this person, he or she may invade your every thought. It can often feel like you have the disease called a one-track mind. Your actual diagnosis may be that you have a crush. In such a state, losing focus at work and dreaming about where you would rather be with this certain person can happen frequently. Have you ever felt out of touch with your surroundings while driving and unable to remember what you just passed or exactly where you might be headed? More than likely, this happened when your thoughts were deeply focused on someone your heart was throbbing for. Be aware that our hearts have great power over our actions, and that this can be a mixed blessing.

Have you had daydreams that this person was involved in every facet of your life? During a crush we often wonder what it would be like to have this person constantly by our side, regardless of what we may be doing. In the beginning stages of crush-hood, our thoughts are uniformly positive. The object of our desire is placed on a pedestal of sorts and often pictured in an ideal manner. This idolization may cause future hurt if they do not live up to expectations.

While trying to maintain a realistic perspective, cherish the dream while it exists, as it will motivate you more than ever. Being motivated towards this new love for which you have fallen head over heels, can allow you to accomplish things you may not have been encouraged to do previously. Things like running or working out at the gym seem more important than ever because we want to look and feel our best. It is natural to want to impress the person of interest. When our hearts start pattering, we consider new ways that we may capture their heart and attention. The mind begins to anticipate and plan every move before we can live it out. We often wish time would fly by and advance the relationship to a higher level. A word of advice; enjoy each day as the relationship develops for that is half the fun of climbing the hill together.

You may become disappointed if your thoughts do not turn into action as planned. One thing in life that can be confusing is that we are taught from a very young age that we can have or accomplish anything if we work hard enough. Parents, however, often neglect to mention that this does not always hold true when considering other human beings and their emotions. If things go sour between you and the person you have a crush on, or they end up not returning your affections, then think of it as if you were just saved! Chances are there was a good reason for the relationship faltering. There would have been more pain in the future if it had not been discontinued as early as possible. Realizing this truth will enable you to open up more easily to wonderful experiences in the future. Even though it may seem like the end of life, others will soon capture your heart again. One merely has to allow it to happen.

Your future dreams are important, but live in the moment when it comes to relationships with friends or lovers. Every minute we are given in life we should be thankful, even when you are not with the person consuming your every thought. When one is not exactly where he or she desires, remember that a moment passed may not be relived. I have been guilty in the past of acting depressed when I was with a friend, when I would have really rather been somewhere else with my new found love. I had to stop and remind myself that by acting so distracted I might have been hurting the feelings of the person I was currently accompanying. There is always something to be learned in every circumstance. Make sure you do not have on blinders and enjoy the simplest things life has to offer. With that in mind, remember to follow your heart for it knows what your soul desires, but be aware not to get so engulfed or entangled with your emotions that you forego balance in life and lose what it has to offer.

05 December 2009

The New Relationship How to Keep Cool When It Feels So Hot


We've all experienced it at least once: you meet someone new, you really like them, and before you know it, things are moving fast. This can range from sexual intimacy after the first few dates to spending nearly every day and night with someone you've known for less than a month. That kind of sudden change can eventually be uncomfortable and may not be the best way to begin a long-term relationship. When things heat up fast, they sometimes can burn out just as quickly. We all know this, yet we dive right in anyway.

Still, it's understandable. When you've spent a lot of time dating people who "just didn't work out," and a fair amount of time alone, it's difficult not to be excited about meeting someone who really feels "right." It's human nature to jump head first into something that feels that good, and it's certainly very American to fall in love hard and fast.

But what can we do to ensure that we give these new relationships room to develop and hopefully flourish? Most of us don't know. And even more disconcerting, what do we do when one person wants "more space" and thinks we're "moving too fast?" No matter which side you represent, there are some basic relationship guidelines to follow.

The most important thing to remember when you meet someone you really like is to create boundaries around your time and space and to communicate them effectively. That doesn't mean calling the shots or demanding that your partner conduct him or herself on your terms only. It means you express what you need outside of the relationship and you also ask them what they need outside of it.

Now I know what you're thinking. Boundaries. There's that buzzword again. Roll your eyes all you want, but if you end up invading someone's space or they invade yours, it's because you never had a conversation about how much is too much and what your needs really are.

Of course, you have to figure that out for yourself first. Many of us give so much to others that we are unclear about our own needs. When it comes to the new relationship, issues like our time alone and our time with our friends often seem irrelevant, but really, they were never more important.

For instance, how much do you value time alone exercising or reading or working on your craft or hobby? No doubt those meaningful activities you've done on your own have been keeping you healthy in the times you wished for someone special in your life. Now that they may be here, does the need for your relationship with yourself take a back seat? Chances are the person you've met is attracted to the confidence and independence that time alone helped you to develop. It's important for the new relationship that you maintain that.

And what about your friends? I can't count the number of times I called a friend to thank them for coming over or taking me out on a weekend night when going out by myself just made me feel like everyone else was in a relationship but me. Does their importance diminish when I meet someone I can be intimate with? I say it doesn't. And we've all watched friends disappear when they fall in love only to call us when they are down and out. That doesn't feel very good.

If you really think this relationship is right for you, why jeopardize it by planning a wedding on the third date? Seriously, a healthy distance doesn't mean playing hard to get, avoiding direct communication, or denying yourself time with someone you really enjoy being with. But what happened to real dating? You know, going out and doing stuff together frequently in order to get to know the other person. That is not the same thing as being immersed in another world and dropping out of your own.

When you actually take the time to get to know someone and anticipate your next get together, a relationship unfolds. Sometimes that relationship is a friendship that remains a friendship, and sometimes it's a friendship that leads to a hot love affair. Either way, a friendship is based on trust, suspension of all judgment, and open communication. With true friends you know what to expect. And maybe that person you really dig is going to end up being a friend, but not just a friend, a true friend. Someone you can really talk to and share time with socially, among other friends. If you ask most people in long-lasting relationships, they were usually friends first, and friends ask for what they need and ask what the other person needs. You've been maintaining boundaries with your closest friends forever; why should your new intimate friendship be any different?

Don't let the excitement of meeting a wonderful person take you into that dream space we often associate with being lost in love. Perhaps you've been lonely for awhile now, and you're afraid this one might get away. Remind yourself that if you truly have a connection with someone, it isn't that simple. They don't get snared like a fish caught on a hook. If it's really meant to be, slow down, keep cool, communicate, and take your time. It may be a wonderful time to relish what will turn out to be a lasting relationship based on trust, friendship and communication.

Now that's definitely worth the wait.

02 December 2009

Seven Deadly Sins of an Office Romance

Maybe you've noticed just how sexy the new office manager is, or your flirtation with the slightly nerdy accountant is suddenly being reciprocated. Or you find yourself thinking of pink slips but not the kind that signifies a layoff. Perhaps you've even started dating someone from your (gasp) office. Though plenty of office romances do turn into lasting relationships (heck, even permanent relationships), there are a number of things you need to be ready for before you say yes to dating that co-worker.
There are dozens of positive aspects to dating a co-worker such as; automatically sharing common interests, a sounding board for complaints about that irritating co-worker, and lunchtime getaways for a quick, but refreshing, nooner. But there are also challenges to consider. Check out this list of the seven deadly sins of an office romance and make sure you can handle these things before responding to a coworker's e-mail about that romantic-sounding lunch.
  1. Sure you were the best candidate Date someone from your office and you're bound to be tagged with this line at one point in your career. Instead of hearty congratulations for your latest promotion, you're bound to hear nagging whispers questioning your qualifications. Is your romantic half the hiring manager, or worse, your new boss? If so, double the innuendoes. And save your breath trying to explain that this is the position that you've had your eyes on for the past three years ago.
  2. .Playing hooky gets a whole lot harder Want to stay at home together to enjoy breakfast in bed, a roll in the hay, and a walk in the park? No more calling in pretending to be sick to get away for the day. It suddenly takes coordination! Your stories have to match. Your excuses have to be plausible. And the worst thing of all? You have to endure the purple-haired secretary on the 12th floor when you make your call''Oh really?? Funny, Ms. Jones [pause for significance] called in sick today also. I certainly hope you both [another pause] feel better soon.'
  3. Memories last way too long Its incredible how the office gossip can't remember where she put the file you desperately need, but won't forget that you dated Christine nearly two years ago. A simple, short-lived romance that is long over becomes part of company lore. If your former squeeze makes a fool of himself by drinking too much at the company party, this reflects on your taste in men. Never mind that you had the sense to dump the guy over a year ago. They won't remember that part. If you don't want your secretary to know that you snore after lovemaking, then dating someone at the office isn't for you.
  4. Getting caught in an [ahem] awkward situation Everyone's had that fantasy about having sex on the conference room table. Well, now that you're dating someone at the office, you actually have the opportunity to give it a whirl. What a dream come true! Everything is going along swimmingly (and steamily) until the VP makes a surprise appearance back at the office. Unfortunately, you'll both have to face this guy on Monday morning. And you have all weekend to worry about it.
  5. But honey, I was just flirting! Some folks, while not intending to cheat on their beloved, get a boost to their self-esteem by a simple, old-fashioned game of flirting with someone else. Some folks are just plain on-the-lookout for someone better. When you're working with your current flame, this browsing process becomes a little trickier. 'What? No honey, that wasn't my I'm really attracted to you' laugh! It was my 'gee, you're funny laugh. Honestly!'
  6. Lack of privacy You have not yet decided that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person you are dating. When dating someone from your office, however, the time commitment can make it seem like that decision's been made for you. You wake up together. Drive to and from work together. Eat lunch together. Pass each other in the halls. Instead of spending hours hashing over your mate's good and bad points with your best bud at work, you have to be cautious on the subject. You never know who's listening and will report back to your significant other.
  7. Potential for embarrassment is high Due to stress, proximity, and sheer quantity of hours together, you have increased the potential for embarrassing things to happen to you both. I have a former co-worker who was engaged to another manager. Using the company's email system, he composed the following sweet message: 'Hi sweetie. I hope you had an okay trip over to the other office. I'm thinking about you, and love you so much! I'll see you tonight at dinner. XOXO, Mike.' The response he received? 'Hello Mike. That was really sweet of you to think of me. I don't think we were scheduled to come over for dinner tonight but I'll look into it. I will pass your message on to Kathy when she arrives here for our meeting. Sincerely, Michelle, your boss.' You guessed it; he hit the wrong key and received a 'love letter' back from his boss, the CEO. True story.

28 November 2009

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26 November 2009

Think Quick and Creative This Valentine's Day

There are two schools of thought on Valentine's Day. Either you mock it, and blame Mr. Hallmark for inventing yet another way to beef up card consumption. Or you secretly revel in the hoopla, plotting and planning a host of orgasmic Valentine surprises.
Of course, if you're in the latter group, you most likely have a lover, perhaps a fairly new one. You probably can't wait until February 14th, when you have an excuse to mush and gush all over your little pookie love muffin. It's okay, you can admit it. You're a hopeless romantic. Stand proud!
We've got a few creative ideas for Valentine's Day to help you make the day as special as your loved one expects it to be ' in under three hours (less prep time).

1.Private party. Time is of the essence. So get busy and make those dinner reservations. But don't be predictable. Go private. In Atlanta, there's a new trend in dining snuggeries or cheaters booths. You can enjoy the thrill of slipping behind a curtain into a private nook with your dream date, closing off the rest of the world. Another popular dining spot is a restaurant's wine cellar for private, custom dining surrounded by hundreds of bottles and candles, complete with a buzzer to bring on the next course. Check out a few of your favorite restaurants for private dining options, and see if they can turn your Valentine's dinner into a affair that would make Aphrodite proud.

2.Ring for the bath butler. Who doesn't love a little rub-a-dub-dub? Especially from a sexy butler in black tie (that's you!) delivering hot oil, a glass of brandy, a call bell (and maybe a diamond or two?) on a rose petal-lined silver tray. Throw a towel over your arm, light a few aromatherapy candles, and rub your Valentine till she calls you into the tub for a generous tip.

3.About-face. Be a funny Valentine Day this year. Tell your date you're going somewhere you know he'll hate ' like the opera but then take him on his favorite jaunt. How about a basketball game or a strip club!

4.Highway to love. Little things go a long way, so, as Madonna so eloquently put it, 'Express yourself.' Head out to dinner at rush hour, and on the gridlocked expressway, turn up your favorite love song, hop out of the car, and waltz your partner, oh so carefully, down the median. (If your Valentine doesn't find it amusing, the commuters will.)

5.Make a movie. Oh, get your mind out of the gutter we're talking romance here, not Debbie Does Dallas! Create your own Valentine memory special. Interview all your partner's loved ones about why he or she is so wonderful, or retrace romantic steps you've taken together around town ' with maudlin commentary, of course. Then enjoy the movie together over a tall glass of bubbly.

6.Double your pleasure. Order a couple of professional massage therapists for a deep-muscle, double date in your living room.

7.Virtual date. Can't be with your loved one this Valentine's Day? There's still hope. Set up a videoconference at your office or a local resource forum. For extreme virtuality, make it a dinner date. Coordinate the same food, music, flowers on each end so you can experience all the same sensations and discuss the delicious meal and music you're sharing. You can do the same via email just a little awkward to type between bites.

8.Light her or his fire. The day before V-Day, pick a spot for a romantic picnic a local park, your backyard someplace that has a nearby electrical outlet. String white Christmas lights (as many as you can get your hands on) through surrounding trees, bushes, swing sets, park benches (as many places you can put them). Order your sweetheart's favorite dinner, and get lots of warm blankets (a tarp, if snow is an issue), a thermos of hot chocolate or gourmet coffee, candles, music and anything else to put you in the mood and keep you toasty.

9.You're sick you need some air. If you just can't stand the thought of spending only a few hours with your Valentine, call in sick to work this V-Day (it happens!), and call in for your honey, too (make sure it's not a big review day first). Surprise him or her early Valentine's morning with the news that you have an entire day off with nothing to do but go on a hot air balloon ride. Undeniably uplifting! Or if the weather's bad, make it a romantic train ride. Just be creative.

Tips to Remember

  1. Do not put yourself down. If you are insecure about your weight, for example, just be honest about it without resorting to self-criticism. Some people prefer your body type, even if you would prefer yourself a few pounds lighter.


  2. If you are from another part of the world, make mention of that fact. It gives you and your potential matches something to talk about, and for many people it makes you more intriguing.


  3. Mention the internal qualities that are most important for you. If you have learned particular lessons from previous relationships, work that information into the section What (You're) Looking For.

Quick Tips

"When you have finally decided that online dating is right for you a good 'rule of thumb' is "The Bigger, The Better". Joining any of the "Biggest" online services will get you involved and meeting people faster, and having more messages to reply to (and ways to interact) than you can get from dozens of smaller services."