Nine Ways to Make 2010 Your Year for Love

Did you think that merely tripping the cosmic odometer at the year 2009 would automatically change your life? Do you find yourself single and unattached a year later, believing the planets passed you by? Or, if you're like me, do you merely think it was something you said or maybe something you didn't have the nerve to say that resulted in sharing party favors and caviar with the cat as the laughter of happy couples reverberated throughout the neighborhood at midnight 2010?

In talking with friends of all stripes, sizes, and persuasions who DID find their one and only in the year 2009, I found that like it or not - this last possibility is probably closest to the truth. According to successfully paired couples, what we do and say, and where we chose to do it and say it - make us pretty much masters of our own social fates.
Few of these techniques come naturally. But without exception, these tips work. So, take heart if you follow these steps in 2010, your chances for a love-filled New Millennium will be multiplied dramatically.

1.Do it different. My friend Bill, a psychologist, says people in his profession call this pattern interruption. You intentionally do what you haven't tried in the past. Since what we have been doing hasn't worked, it makes sense. Here's an example: You're a woman used to going to bars and sitting on a stool, but you have yet to meet a great long-term guy this way. Instead, start going to sports events and changing seats and sections continually. The more times you sit next to a new man, the more chances you have of meeting someone who matters.

2.Make contact now. Have you seen those "chance encounters" ads where people saw someone they almost spoke to, and now advertise to make real contact? My workout partner has written eight of them. If he had just spoken to just one at that moment their eyes met, he'd have a lover. Take a lesson from the people you've liked who spoke to you first it probably didn't matter what they said, but if they hadn't said anything, you might never have met.

3.Talk to everyone and say anything. Do you go mute on a first date, despite friends observations that you're the best conversationalist they know? This sort of pressure-laden silence when it counts is pretty common. Even Jill, a Toastmasters regular, used to freeze up on her first and second dates. For her, the solution was to practice talking to anyone about anything and to always begin with an open-ended question that demanded more than a simple yes or no.

4.Where no man has gone before. Okay, just why did Star Trek's Starship Enterprise head out to the vast unknown repeatedly? For the same reason the chicken went to the other side of the road it held greater promise. That's our search job too. The best of these opportunities may be in the electronic arena. Online dating is huge, with millions of participants all over the world just dying for a date. My neighbor Bettina, who works out of her apartment as a writer, rarely meets people in person, but she found her new husband a consultant who also works from a home office - through . Online Dating Site

5.Smile big-time. This is a tough one, because you don't want to come off as having the insincerity of a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, and because the risk of rejection is virtually instantaneous. But a great smile has enormous drawing power. "Believe it or not, I actually practice smiling," says dating expert Jill. "Sure, you feel dumb at first, but if we can practice golf swings, why not hone something that helps us connect with someone we really want to meet?"

6.Get involved and ignore the outcome. When we enjoy the present moment, we're at our best and most open and accessible. If we worry about how we're going to raise the kids after the second date, we've let the improbably possible future impede on our present happiness.

7.Go where the boys are or the girls. If you're a guy, watching basketball games can constitute a terrific night out with the boys. "But it sure as heck ain't where the gals are," says my buddy Eddie, who lives in rural Kansas. "When I go into town, which is about an hour's drive, I have a list of church dances, women's sporting events, art exhibits and anything else where there are women. I can watch basketball on T.V. by myself anytime. But if I'm heading out alone, I want to maximize my chances of being seen, and that means going where there are plenty of gals ' and not a lot of guys."

8.Know when to hold. An old high school friend of mine had been an unhappily single Las Vegas blackjack dealer for nine years. "I finally took a lesson from a professional card player," he confided. "The last time I was dealt a really good hand, I decided to hold pat and pass on more dating until I had a chance to really explore who she was. Now, six months later, I'm engaged, because I took the time to concentrate on one."

9.Know when to fold. Nothing is worse than a relationship in which almost everything is great ' except the 10% that is either inexplicable or impossible to accept. I know ' I just went through one. On the surface she was my archetypal Wonder Woman. But for three months, I ignored what wouldn't work. I should have paid attention earlier, when she said she had never, ever, in her 38 years, told a man she loved him. With her seemingly unable to reveal emotions, and me wanting to hear them, I should have folded politely after the first 30 days.