Tell İt To Nimeot

This column intimately explorescommunication issues about love, sex, and dating with the help of relationship expert Anne Nimeot Durque

Dear Nimeot, I have been separated from my ex, for about 14 months. The first six months I lived alone and did not date at all. Since then I've dated four women. Number four has knocked me for a loop. I've never had such strong feelings, nor have I been able to express myself to anyone like this before. There's only one problem. She only wants to see me once a week, and does not want to make any plans until her sixteen year old son finishes high school. I'm forty-six years old, and my mate is fifty. We're not getting any younger. What do you think? Stuck in the Slow Lane Dear Stuck, Have you ever noticed how quickly the world flashes by in the fast lane? It's all a blur and we are very removed from it. I suppose we get to some destination with more efficiency with our pedals to the metal, but it seems like life's journey and the sometimes fantastic scenery along the way become lost to us as a result of our rushing. You found someone special, perhaps your soul mate, and her life isn't entirely her own right now. She's a mom to a teenager who still needs her to help him make good decisions, define his options and to love him like moms love their boys. She herself needs to be good and decent and to live up to her responsibilities as a mom. Frankly, a woman who is steadfast in her commitment to her responsibilities, even when this comes at some personal sacrifice, is a great catch in my book. Wait her out. Over the next two years you'll have one hundred and four days with her, which is noting to complain about. And you'll earn her trust and admiration as you honor what is clearly very meaningful to her. Dear Nimeot, What should one do when on the second 'date' the person says that since she likes you she tells you that she lied about her age in her online profile? On the fifth date she says she over stated her salary and educational background. These facts in themselves are not meaningful, but her profile says she is honest, looking for an honest partner, etc. Isn't this sort of a waste of time, lying on the profile? I know it is a big turnoff as far as I am concerned. Dating Ms. Pants on Fire Dear Dating Ms. Pants on Fire, This is a big, loudly flapping in the winds of romance, red flag, and you should act accordingly. It's hard to tell the truth, but many of us do it anyway, and we accept the consequences or our honesty. In the world of online dating, where your words are everything we know and believe about you, honesty is incredibly important. While some people feel it's OK to shave a few years, or a few pounds off of your physical description, or to add a few inches to your height, you and I both know this is wrong. People who lie in order to achieve their desires may make a habit of this behavior. So today it's age and education, and tomorrow it's about fidelity in your marriage. Someone who can significantly misrepresent herself and in the same breath can affirm her commitment to honesty and her desire to find a like-minded partner, is someone on a serious disconnect with herself, her behavior and it's impact on others. Doesn't sound like good girlfriend material to me, not unless you are a certified polygraph operator. Tell her the cold, honest truth my friend. Dear Nimeot, I'm a single father raising two boys ages 8 and 11 on my own. I have found that women run when they find out. I'm an honest type of person. I tell them up front so there can be no surprises. Not looking for a mother for them, just someone for me to spend time with. I'm sort of shy to boot, and have been married almost all of my adult life. How or what do I need to do to meet that special someone in my life? I'm tired of being alone. Full Time Dad - Zero Time Lover Dear Full Time Dad, First of all, you aren't alone. You've got two incredible sons who adore you and look to you for love and guidance. And because of this you don't want to worry about, or waste your time with women who don't honor your kids, even if you aren't searching for a new mom for them. To date a man with children requires a certain level of maturity, as kids must and do come first in a parent's life. One of the great attributes of online dating is the ability to filter one's search, often including criteria about one's desire to have children. Start looking for women who either have children of their own, or have indicated that they are interested in dating men with children. This way your status as a parent won't scare them away and the two of you may end up with a lot more in common. There are plenty of women out there who match this profile. Happy hunting. Dear Nimeot, I was surfing the web and saw your spot, so I decided that maybe you could advise me. I'm only 21, but I have been chatting with the same bloke for about 5 years now. He only lives an hour away from me and we have never met. We flirt a lot, but when we do decide to meet up we chicken out, as we think it will spoil things between us, What do you think? Five Lonely Years Dear Five, I think one of you has something to hide, and since it's not you, it's probably him. If you're in the market for more than a cyber pal, five years is far too long to wait someone out. You're flirting on a regular basis and have a long-standing interaction online. Why do you think a face-to-face date will spoil this friendship? It should only get better. If you're happy spending your nights and weekend in chat rooms and exchanging emails with a mystery man, then continue on this path. If you want a real relationship, you'll either need to push for a meeting with him, and refuse to take no for an answer, or move on to a man who wants to be much more than another virtual player in your life. Something on your mind? nimet1976@gmail.com. Questions that best represent Online Dating Magazine member experiences will be selected. Look for your answer here.